TWO DREAMS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE

Have you ever had a dream come true?

I have – but it wasn’t the dream I thought it was.

I wrote a novel and it got published – before I turned forty. There was champagne aplenty and there were more tears than I’d expected. I went out for a 30-minute walk on publication day and came home 2.5 hours later, and I’m still not entirely sure what I did or where I was for all that time. Staring at clouds, probably, while trying to keep my feet on the ground.

When I first held a copy of The Silent Daughter in my hands, I stared at it and thought – WOW, this is my dream, come true.

It was a strange sensation.

But as I looked back on the decade of rejection letters that paved my path to publication, I realised that the book wasn’t the whole of my dream after all.

When I quit my job ten years ago and declared that I wanted to become a novelist, I confess that part of me was in it for the recognition; the knowledge that I could write stories that people wanted to read. With that goal in mind I abandoned my journalism career, just after I’d got a promotion. I moved abroad. I slashed my monthly budget. And every day, even when I didn’t feel like it, I sat down and wrote.

But there have been many, many days over the past ten years when I’ve woken up and thought of my friends and family going to ‘normal’ jobs  - then wondered why on earth I was still trying to get a book published, after so many years of failure.

I was working really hard but was convinced the rest of the world saw me as a lazy dreamer, someone who was wasting time and simply avoiding getting A Real Job. Rejections were difficult to deal with but I was definitely my own worst critic.

But what kept me going?

I now realise that while a book deal was the most obvious goal, another part of me was actually striving for something else – the lifestyle that I imagined all writers live. For me it was a world where I’d be writing every day but also enjoying the flexibility of creating my own schedule. No boss. An active life lived on mountains and in the sea, and forever under blue skies. No great luxuries but a home that I loved, full of books and plants and friends that I truly connected with.

So as I sat there on publication day, gleefully sniffing the pages of The Silent Daughter, I realised that my debut novel is not the best thing I’ve created during the past decade. My greatest achievement has been building a world that I truly love living in – and allowing myself the time to enjoy it.

Really? Aye.

And no, I’m not trying to tell you I’m a professional skiver.

What I’m saying is that little by little I’ve managed to organise my life in such a way that I have time for all the things I love to do and for all the people I love to see. Writing is a hugely important part of that and it was the pursuit of that one tangible goal – getting a novel published – that inspired me to make massive changes and create the lifestyle I’ve always wanted.

Two dreams for the price of one, I suppose – and I’m taking both.

What about you? What’s your dream – and your dream lifestyle?

I’d love to hear your thoughts - pop your comments in the box below :-)