How I Got My Book Deal: Part 2
“When I think about the book deal being sealed, I worry about ever leaving the house again in case I die and just like that, it ends”
Last week I published extracts from personal diaries, written while my debut novel, The Silent Daughter, was on submission to publishers back in 2019. I shared the paranoias and projections which filled my mind during the first three weeks of the process. Now I’ll share more private thoughts as the weeks of waiting turned into months and the pile of rejections got higher…
June 27, 2019 (just over 6 weeks since submission)
We’ve had 12 rejections but 13 editors still have it and could still buy. I’ve not yet read any editor comments and don’t want to until it’s officially over. Strangely I don’t feel bad. The odds are still in my favour. Only one of the 13 needs to say yes. It’s like being nil-nil at half time playing football. Anything can happen in the second half.
Summer came and went and in the end all I got was rejections. There’s a blank in my diary as I ploughed my time and energy into my tour guiding job. I had to make money, distract myself and keep on smiling for my clients. But when the guiding season ended and I got back to my desk, I started to think my chances of being a writer were finished as well…
Back at my desk In Makers of Barcelona co-working office. Otherwise known as MOB!
December 6th, 2019
We’re now on the second round of submissions, applying to small independent publishers instead of the major ones. So far, got one rejection and one vague flicker of interest. The flicker of interest has brought all my projections to the fore. Once again I’m obsessing about emails from Caroline (my agent) and day-dreaming about two-book deals and launches and selling a million in the first year. Maybe it’s because I’m aware this is the last chance for this book. Again I’m faced with these thoughts about the future - one where I’m published, one where I’m not. If I’m published I’ll do this and this and this. If I’m not.....blank. That’s the problem.
Will I write another book? Do I actually want to? How do I actually want to spend my days? I know that if I feel happy and inspired writing, it shouldn’t matter that it doesn’t get published. I know that. But at the same time I feel it should be acknowledged that I’ve spent TEN YEARS patiently working on books without being published. I’ve not given up at the first hurdle. It’s constant bloody hurdles!
December 9, 2019
The week started with an email from Caroline - she’s sent it to another editor who seems “really keen” but they all bloody do at first, I suppose, so I’m trying not to get excited about it. Last night I had a big massive cry - the second during the whole submission process. Realised it touches a nerve linked to me feeling rejected. And if you think about it, the book itself is about that fear of rejection so it’s a double whammy.
December 11, 2019
It’s now a week since the glimmer of interest from a small digital publisher. Since then, silence. No offer, despite the number of times I check my email. So what are the messages in my head one week on?
o I imagine them viewing my writing as immature
o I imagine them getting the email from Caroline and then thinking the book doesn’t live up to her hype
o I imagine Caroline saying - well, we gave it our best shot.
o I imagine other writers getting published and applauded in the meantime
o I feel like Caroline thinks I’m a pain in the arse and that I annoy her. I dread her letting me go as she is the one person who totally believes in the book.
o I also imagine telling ‘my publishing journey’ with its happy ending after so many months of waiting
Monday, 16th December, 2019
It’s happened. Today is ten years to the day since I quit my job to trying writing books. And today is the day I was finally offered a book deal. Until it’s signed I might not really believe it. And until it’s on the shelves. And until it starts to sell....
Thursday, 19th Dec
Today I thought would be the day we closed the deal - but instead we have another interested editor. Trying not to get excited about them however as the editor needs to put it up for discussion with her team. I’m worried, of course, that the first lot will change their mind in the meantime. But I have to trust in Caroline.
January 8, 2020, on a flight to Tenerife
So today might be the day. Caroline emailed this morning to say she hopes to seal the deal today. I have not yet celebrated, won’t believe any of it until Caroline confirms the outcome one way or the other. When I think about the deal being sealed I worry about ever leaving the house again in case I die and just like that, it ends. Ridiculous!
What happens today is out of my hands and what happens today is what’s supposed to be and what happens today probably doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Hard to accept that, but my happiness and my worth does not depend on it…
Thankfully, that day WAS the day. I touched down in Tenerife, switched off flight mode and got a new email from Caroline. The deal was done. After ten years of trying, I finally had a book deal.
Celebrating with my parents in Tenerife - and the only bottle of Champagne I’ve ever bought in my life!